Some say Death is the next big adventure after life. I’d really like to believe that, but unfortunately I don’t know what life holds for us after we pass. The reason I ponder this tonight is because my grandmother passed away this morning. She had been sick for sometime and before I left for Europe, visiting her deep down I knew it would be the last time I would see her alive. However, I don’t think you can ever fully prepare yourself to lose someone you love.
The call came around 6:45pm from Brad. Initially when I heard his voice I thought it was a call to say hey and to talk. I was very happy to hear the familiarity on the other end of the phone. My excitement quickly vanished as the words rolled out of his mouth “I don’t know if you’ve heard….”. And I hadn’t. I hadn’t checked my emails and my dad never called. Naturally, my heart hit a jolt and I wasn’t sure how to react. Crying didn’t seem appropriate at the time because I wanted as many details as I could get from him. Turns out she has been at home since the beginning of June which is good because she wanted to pass at home. In the last week however she hadn’t been taking any meds and was in excruciating pain. My heart goes out to her. I believe she wanted to die to be with my Papa. Even after 22 years she still missed him very much and wanted to be with him.
Now the chaos begins. I am not home for the funeral arrangements which is extremely hard for me. I feel as if it will be something that will be hung over my head for years to come from my Uncle and Dad. Unfortunately, being in Italy it isn’t possible for me right now. I only hope they understand and know that I am thinking of them constantly. Mourning in a different way, although my presence won’t be there, I am still in pain and affected.
We are such selfish people. When someone dies, instead of rejoicing for their happiness onto a better place, we only think of ourselves and the pain we are going through. I am trying to hard to cling to fact that she is no longer suffering and is where SHE wants to be. Even though the void seems to grow deeper with each passing letter I type. The keyboard is actually becoming hard to see because the tears welled in my eyes. Death is never easy, for those left behind there are memories forever burned into our imagination and we must hold tight to them. Never losing sight of the times we shared with these special people and the bonds we formed. She will forever be my Gramma and I have nothing but admiration and great things to say about her. My memories are all fond and filled with fun and laughter, specific smells Sunday phone calls and delicious foods. Feeding DeeDee dog biscuits and the hot tar in the summer.
I have never known anyone like her and never will. Death is a part of life, whether we want it or not.
I love you Gramma. I always will. You taught me a lot growing up and I thank you for being you. May you rest in peace now and always.
You will never be forgotten.